Emotional Weekend

For me, parenting is not particularly enjoyable.  I know there are highs and lows - blah blah - and while it's not really acceptable to say out loud, it's been a tough journey for me.  I love my children to the moon and back, but at the end of the day, I still don't enjoy parenting.  I see all the Facebook posts about how someone's child was the bestest and most amazing thing that ever happened in their lives and I think, hmmm.... that's just not me.  I love my children, but I'm not all googly eyed when discussing being a mom.

But - I still am ferociously protective and want nothing but the best for my kids.  It's weird.  I should probably see a therapist to discuss further...

So, I found out that Atticus was purposefully NOT invited to one of his "friends" birthday parties last Friday night.  My heart was crushed.  Atticus considers this boy to be a friend.  Atticus would never think to not invite him to our parties!  The silver lining is that we were in Boston and couldn't have gone anyways -- but just knowing that he wasn't invited was a blow to the chest.  I may not enjoy parenting, but I still want to shield him from the cruelty of the world and mean kids.  I know we can't always invite everyone to our parties, it's not practical, it's not the real world, it's not always financially optional -- but to exclude someone on purpose hurts.  It hurts when you're 9.  It hurts when you're 40+.

But the weekend continued...

We drove back to NY so that Atticus could race on the 12th in a qualifier race.  To qualify, Atticus needed to be in the top 30 finishers (out of 107 runners) or his team needed to be in the top 5.  Neither of those things happened.  Atticus had a good time of 15:51 in his 3k which put him in 77th place out of the 107 runners.  Tailwind B Team of 9-10y Boys came in 10th overall.  Tailwind did absolutely amazing as a whole.  45 out of the 49 athletes competing on the 12th qualified for the meet this weekend in Rhode Island.  Which meant that 4 kids didn't make it.  How absolutely gut wrenching.  This travel meet in Rhode Island was going to be Atticus's last hoorah with Tailwind.  He was looking forward to the camaraderie much more than the actual race -- but we just assumed that Atticus would qualify!   And then he didn't.

News came today that one of the other 9-10y boys can't make it this weekend to the race which has opened up a spot for Atticus.  He's going to be over the moon excited when I tell him after school.  I don't really have the time to be jetting off to Rhode Island at the moment - but it would have been crushing to not go.  Atticus is looking forward to swimming in a crappy hotel pool.  To having a team dinner.  To sleeping at a hotel.  To racing with his friends...

So, here's a toast to being a good parent -- and to Rhode Island.  I've never been to Rhode Island.  I suppose we can check that off the bucket list now...